Self-consciousness about blogging

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I’m trying to get back into blogging after a few weeks of feeling out of things. When I started my blog I thought it would be at least semi-anonymous, and more and more I know it isn’t. I know there are at least some of the people around me reading it and I have moments again of fear about revealing to much about myself. Yet what kind of blogger can I be if unwilling to reveal my thoughts?

I have all along tried to keep the blog relatively impersonal, sharing bits but not too much. I’ve tried to keep from including my children’s names so they aren’t google-able, and while I’ve written about school things they do I think I’ve succeeded, for the most part, in not exploiting all the normal funny stories families accumulate as a way of growing my blog. I’ll admit I get tempted to, but I hold back. Their lives are their lives.

The part of my kid’s lives I feel most comfortable blogging about is school projects, because I’m the active element there. I’m not really writing about them, as much as about things I do with them. Except that makes me uncomfortable too, because education is supposed to be more about them, right? And what point do I have in sharing any of this anyway?

I worry blogging is just about standing out, looking for attention either as measured in pageviews or comments. I think, like some other bloggers I know, I justify it by making blogging a product – bloggers talk like they’re not looking for attention for themselves but to build up this asset, this blog, this social media capability. Or by saying it promotes a good cause, whatever that cause may be. I write about political things partly because I want to, and partly because the sense of helping spread certain ideas makes me feel less silly about the whole blog. If the blog serves some sort of social purpose, then I can try to convince myself I’m helping something rather than just trying to draw attention to myself.

Or maybe I’m practicing my writing skills. Or developing a public persona for some future career in journalism or politics. Maybe I can move to writing books someday. All of those ideas fall flat. I know I won’t have time for any of them for a long way off, and in the meantime, what purpose do I have in this?

I write because I’m shy. I write because I have so little time to talk with other adults and what time I have is fractured by the children’s chaos. I write because there are so many things I’d love to say that I know I’ll never get a chance to otherwise. I want a chance to put the pieces of my thoughts together and to share them somehow even if it is with those I do not know. There are days when the writing makes me feel less alone and many more when it leaves me feeling even more alone.

I’m always a little embarrassed when people talk to me face to face about my blog. I never know what to say. I never know how much of it they’ve read and I’m likely to make a somewhat dismissive comment. What I’d like to say of course is that I’m an open book, they know my thoughts now, would they share some of their own? How can we move into conversation about something, anything? I have a hard time sometimes conversing face to face.

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Self-consciousness about blogging

  1. Excellent post. I think many feel similar. It is a lonely existence (writing/blogging) at times, but it doesn’t always have to be. I love your blog and your thought provoking posts. Keep up the great work!

    Paul R. Hewlett

  2. I love your blog too but have found it hard to comment here and even now will not know if it shows up or if you can read it. Therefore I’ll keep it short.

    In my blogging, I , too, find myself with the dilemma of writing too much about myself or not enough to keep the conversation going. But if not for comments I would not do it. I find so much support in the kid lit community that I am thoroughly enchanted by it and also captured. I am a prisoner of my blog.

    • Thanks for commenting! It did show up. The first time anyone comments (since I moved the website here) the comment doesn’t get posted until after I approve it, but once a person has one approved comment then the comments show up quickly without me having to approve it. I don’t know if there are other problems though, with the comments not showing up… hmm… I wonder how I can test that more.

  3. Pingback: I’m a Blog Prisoner | Clarbojahn's Blog

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